A Survivors Story
“It is possible to find joy and happiness after domestic violence. The first 30 years of my life was full of violence; from my parents to boyfriend to husband. How can you have a healthy relationship if you have never seen one modeled?
I am very happily married now to the most amazing man. I don’t think this would have been possible if after getting out of an abusive marriage If I had not taken time for myself to heal. Once away from abuse I could start to identify what I wanted in a relationship and more important what I did not want. I learned to trust my gut about people, jobs and everything.
For years I kept a wary eye open for abuse in my relationships, more than half just waiting for it to happen. Some relationships I likely sabotaged with the thought process “I’m out before you have a chance to hurt me: mentality. I did not know how to disagree without it turning into violence. One day I realized with blinding clarity that I didn’t need someone in my life where there would be constant disagreements and drama. That was a pivotal point in my life. I was completely fine on my own. Happy and as relaxed as I had ever been in my life. I started surrounding myself with people that brought positive to life and soon I was surrounded by that positivity. I volunteered and in fellow volunteers I found people trying to make the world a better place.
I let go of the belief that I somehow deserved an unhealthy environment; personally, and professionally. That every bad thing that happened was my fault. I learned to find the lesson in every situation because there is always a lesson.
I have a husband that would never do anything that would make me cry. He has brought out laughter that I never knew was there. He empowers me and lifts me up. He has made me see who I really am and all I am capable of. He loves me for me and I love him more than I ever thought possible. I never knew love like this could exist. A healthy relationship.
My advice to anyone in an abusive relationship. Get out. Leave. It will be hard. You will doubt yourself but know that you are strong and resilient. Do not go back! You can’t change him or fix him. He may be sorry but he will abuse again. Volunteer – there is always someone that needs lifting up, someone that doesn’t have it as good as you. Surround yourself with positive. It is OK to let go of unhealthy relationships and set clear boundaries. Look for the lessons and learn from them. Live and be happy. Find peace and know that you deserve it.”
DV hotline: 1-800-799-7233
You are not alone.
Check on your friends and family. If you have the ability, let them know they can come to you if they need help or a place to stay. If you are in an abusive relationship there is help. Control Alt Delete – because sometimes you need to reset your life!