In the spring of 2019 a conversation changed my path. I had suspected a friend of mine was in an abusive relationship for some time. This beautiful, strong, brilliant and independent woman was entrenched in abuse. They had gotten married and I could see the progression and classic systems of abuse, the worsening behavior.
Since I had known her, he systemically isolated her from friends. People she had known and loved for years all the sudden he was pointing out flaws, mocking and ridiculing them. So she stopped seeing these friends.
Now married, he started creating the divide between her and I. He inserted himself in business that was inappropriate. I would get calls from him at 5:30am and 11:00pm with the demand that I answer and when I did not he started ridiculing me to her. Finding flaws in things that he once praised me for.
I called her one day and she told me how they had been doing yard work that morning. She asked him to move a large heavy object, he told her to leave it. As the yard work went along, she decided to move the item. When he saw that he became enraged. He ran up behind her and grabbed her spinning her around. He accused her of embarrassing him and not listening to his direction. He grabbed her by the upper arms and was shaking her as he yelled. Hard enough to leave bruising.
I told her she and I needed to have a lunch. It took a month to get that lunch on the calendar. She had new bruises and was very skittish. I told her over lunch that if she ever needed a place to go she could bring all her pets and come to my home. I explained I was very concerned for her safety.
Like every other woman in a domestic abuse situation she said “Oh no, he would never hurt me or the pets. Nope he wouldn’t!” she said “He only get’s like that when he is drinking”. I said “He drinks every day”.
It wasn’t long after that he drove a wedge between us by getting involved in a situation that he had no business in. Then he turned his threats to me. This is the man that everyone loves, he is funny and always joking and smiling. But he has a nasty dark side.
I worry every single day for this woman. He not only physically and mentally abuses her but he is determined to financially break her.
I knew at that lunch that I had to do something to help victims escape. Control Alt Delete came from this horribly tragic situation along with my own experiences with domestic violence.
All we can do is offer a way out. The strength to leave comes from them.
Check on your friends and family. If you have the ability, let them know they can come to you if they need help or a place to stay. If you are in an abusive relationship there is help. Control Alt Delete – because sometimes you need to reset your life!