What to Do When a Loved One is in a Cult: Parallels to Domestic Violence

When someone you care about becomes involved in a cult, the feelings of helplessness, confusion, and fear can be overwhelming. Much like domestic violence, cults use manipulation, control, and isolation to gain power over individuals, leaving their loved ones on the outside feeling powerless. The parallels between cult involvement and domestic violence are striking, and understanding these similarities can help you support your loved one through these difficult circumstances.

Recognizing the Control and Manipulation

In both domestic violence and cults, control is exerted in a way that strips the individual of their autonomy. Cult leaders, much like abusers, use psychological tactics to isolate, manipulate, and instill fear in their followers. They break down a person’s self-worth, fostering dependence on the leader or group for their sense of identity and security. Similarly, in abusive relationships, abusers often isolate their partners from friends and family, creating an environment where the survivor feels trapped and powerless.

Understanding that this manipulation is not the result of weakness but rather a deliberate tactic used to control, is essential. Like domestic violence Survivors, those involved in cults are often unable to recognize the manipulation at play, believing they are acting of their own free will.

Isolation and Fear of Leaving

One of the most painful aspects of both domestic violence and cults is the isolation imposed on the individual. Cult members are often cut off from their loved ones and outside influences that might encourage them to leave. This mirrors how abusers in domestic violence situations isolate their partners, making them feel as though they have no one to turn to. Fear is a powerful tool used in both situations—fear of punishment, fear of abandonment, or fear of the unknown outside the relationship or cult.

When trying to help a loved one who is in a cult, it’s crucial to maintain a lifeline of communication, even if they seem distant. Like Survivors of domestic violence, they may not be ready to leave immediately, but knowing they have someone who cares can make a significant difference when they are ready to escape.

The Role of Gaslighting

Gaslighting—a form of psychological abuse that makes someone question their reality—is a tactic used both by cult leaders and domestic abusers. Whether it’s making someone believe that their concerns are irrational or convincing them that they are the problem, gaslighting is designed to keep people trapped in a cycle of doubt and dependence. Victims begin to question their own perceptions and sanity, making it even harder to leave.

If you recognize this behavior in your loved one’s involvement with a cult, it’s important to counter the gaslighting with gentle affirmation of their feelings and experiences. Don’t push them to see the truth before they’re ready, but be there to validate their emotions and remind them that their concerns are real.

Supporting Without Judgement

It’s natural to want to shake your loved one and “wake them up” to the reality of their situation, but this approach is rarely effective. Just as Survivors of domestic violence may stay in abusive relationships despite warnings from friends and family, those in cults often feel tied to the group through emotional, spiritual, or financial bonds. Pushing them to leave before they’re ready can cause them to dig in deeper.

Instead, offer nonjudgmental support. Avoid attacking the cult or the leaders directly, as this may cause your loved one to become defensive. Focus on the relationship you share, gently reminding them that they are loved and have a support system outside the group.

Encourage Professional Help

Leaving a cult, like escaping domestic violence, is a process that often requires professional support. Cult survivors, like Survivors of domestic abuse, may need counseling or therapy to rebuild their sense of self and recover from the trauma of their experience. Encourage your loved one to seek professional help when they’re ready, and offer to assist in finding resources that specialize in cult recovery or domestic violence trauma.

Creating a Plan for Escape

Leaving a cult or an abusive relationship is often dangerous. Just as Control Alt Delete helps Survivors of domestic violence create safety plans, you can help your loved one in a cult develop an exit strategy. This might involve identifying safe spaces, creating a financial safety net, and planning for where they will go if they choose to leave. Reinforce that they don’t have to do it alone—there are organizations and professionals ready to support them, just as Control Alt Delete supports domestic violence Survivors.

Conclusion: Patience and Hope

Watching a loved one become consumed by a cult can be heart-wrenching, just as it is to watch someone you care about endure domestic violence. In both cases, control, manipulation, and isolation are at play, but with patience, understanding, and support, your loved one can find a way out. Stay connected, stay supportive, and remember that while you cannot force someone to leave, you can be the lifeline they need when they are ready to escape and Control Alt Delete may be able to help.

At Control Alt Delete, we understand the dynamics of control and the challenges Survivors face when trying to break free. Whether it’s escaping domestic violence or helping someone leave a cult, our mission is to provide the support, resources, and hope needed to make that brave step toward freedom.

Report a cult: https://www.dhs.gov/report-suspicious-activity