For Survivors of domestic abuse, escaping violence is just the first battle. The second — often more insidious and painful — happens in courtrooms under the guise of custody evaluations and “the best interests of the child.” At the center of this battle are Family Court Advisors, custody evaluators, guardians ad litem, or other court-appointed professionals who are meant to offer impartial recommendations. But for far too many Survivors, these advisors become another weapon used against them.

A System Designed to Protect — But Doesn’t

Family Court Advisors are supposed to assess the safety and wellbeing of children in high-conflict custody cases. But the system fails when these professionals are not properly trained in the dynamics of domestic violence. Many advisors misunderstand — or worse, dismiss — patterns of coercive control, emotional abuse, and post-separation power plays. They often fall back on outdated notions of “co-parenting,” insisting that both parents must stay involved, even when one is dangerous.

This failure to recognize abuse for what it is leads to dangerous outcomes. Abusers frequently manipulate the system, presenting themselves as charming, concerned parents while painting the Survivor as unstable, uncooperative, or alienating. Advisors, lacking the proper lens or training, often believe the abuser. The result? Children placed in the custody of someone who once harmed — and continues to harm — the protective parent.

Survivors are Silenced, Not Heard

Many Survivors enter court expecting to be believed, only to find themselves discredited and gaslit by professionals who are supposed to advocate for their children. When a Survivor dares to speak the truth — naming the abuse, providing documentation, and refusing contact with their abuser — the Family Court Advisor often labels them as hostile or combative.

This reversal of blame is devastating. The Survivor’s trauma is not only ignored but weaponized. Their protective instincts are recast as irrational fear. Their advocacy for their children is interpreted as manipulation. In trying to protect their kids, they are punished. We know because we have been there.

The Children Suffer Most

The most heartbreaking impact of biased or untrained Family Court Advisors is the harm done to children. Advisors who don’t understand trauma may recommend joint custody or unsupervised visitation with an abusive parent. Children are forced into unsafe environments, often experiencing continued emotional, psychological, or physical harm.

Even worse, some children are removed entirely from the protective parent’s custody because of false claims of “parental alienation” — a pseudoscientific theory often used to discredit Survivors and silence children’s disclosures of abuse.

Survivors Need Safety, Not Shared Custody

Domestic violence doesn’t end with a breakup — it often escalates. Family Court Advisors must be trauma-informed, trained in the complexities of intimate partner violence, and able to recognize the subtle forms of post-separation abuse. Anything less puts Survivors and their children at risk.

We at Control Alt Delete have seen too many Survivors re-victimized by the very systems designed to protect them. The court may claim neutrality, but neutrality in the face of abuse always benefits the abuser.

What Needs to Change?

• Mandatory training in domestic violence for all Family Court Advisors

• Recognition that abuse doesn’t end when the relationship does

• Banning the use of “parental alienation” claims in abuse cases

• Listening to and believing Survivors and their children

• Placing child safety above forced parental involvement

Until the family court system is reformed and advisors are held accountable, Survivors will continue to be silenced and children will continue to be harmed.

We will keep speaking out — because Survivors deserve justice, safety, and the right to parent without fear.