In the world of domestic abuse, there’s one common thread we see in nearly every story: abusers lie. Not occasionally. Not just to protect themselves. They lie about everything—from the smallest details to the most elaborate, fabricated stories. These lies are tools of manipulation, used to isolate the Survivor, damage their credibility, and rewrite history in a way that serves only the abuser.

At Control Alt Delete, we hear stories like this all the time. And what’s striking is how consistent the patterns are, regardless of the abuser’s background, gender, education, religion, or income level. One of the most powerful and delusional forms of emotional abuse is the lie wrapped in a little truth.

The “Kernel of Truth” Lie

Emotional abusers are master manipulators. They often take a sliver of truth—a small, harmless fact—and build a web of lies around it to make their story sound believable. This tactic is known as gaslighting, and it’s designed to make the Survivor question their own memory, sanity, and self-worth.

A Survivor recently shared a perfect example: her abuser constantly told friends and family, “I made her. She couldn’t do anything before me. She didn’t even know how to cook until I taught her.” His favorite example? He claimed he taught her how to make the kids’ favorite breakfast—pinwheels.

The truth? The pinwheels the kids loved were her own recipe, made long before the abuser was even in the picture. He had copied the idea, mistakenly changed the ingredients, and claimed the recipe as his own and taught to the Survivor. That’s how abusers operate. They rewrite reality. By the way, the kids HATED his version of this recipe and every other dish he claimed to have taught the Survivor.

This kind of lie may sound small, but it’s anything but harmless. It’s about control. It’s about erasing the Survivor’s identity and presenting themselves as the hero—or worse, the victim.

Why Do Abusers Lie?

Abusers lie because it works. These false narratives serve multiple goals:

• To gain sympathy: They paint themselves as victims of an “ungrateful” or “unstable” partner.

• To build a false hero image: They claim they “saved” or “transformed” the Survivor.

• To isolate the Survivor: If they control the narrative, they control how others see the Survivor.

• To gaslight: Repeated lies make the Survivor question their own memories and experiences.

This is emotional abuse, plain and simple.

You’re Not Imagining It: The Abuse Is Real

One of the most painful effects of this manipulation is the self-doubt it creates. Survivors often ask themselves: Am I crazy? Did that really happen? Am I remembering this wrong? You’re not. You are seeing the truth, even if your abuser—and maybe even others—are trying to convince you otherwise. Or worse, the doubt you see in your circles eyes or hear from them; the absolute abusive goal.

At Control Alt Delete, we help Survivors reclaim their stories. We believe you. We understand the damage done by constant lies, manipulation, and gaslighting in abusive relationships.

Reclaiming Your Truth

Healing starts by naming what happened. The truth matters. Your memories matter. Your story matters. You were always capable. You didn’t need to be “made.” You were never nothing—and you certainly didn’t need an abuser to complete you.

If your partner lies about everything—even things that seem petty or insignificant—it’s a red flag. Lies are never about the facts; they’re about power and control.

Are You in an Abusive Relationship? You’re Not Alone.

If you recognize yourself in these words, know that help is available. Control Alt Delete specializes in safe, supported escapes from domestic violence and coercive control. Whether you’re being gaslit, manipulated, or lied about—your experience is valid, and your safety matters.

Have your advocate reach out. We may be able to help.