A Survivor’s Story: When the Truth Outshines the Lies

Some abusers don’t stop after the relationship ends. In fact, the abuse often escalates in new, more covert ways—especially through manipulation, false narratives, and legal intimidation. For many Survivors, the smear campaign begins the moment they reclaim their freedom.

My story isn’t unique, but it’s mine—and I know others will recognize pieces of their own truth in it.

Years ago, after I finally left my abuser, he told anyone who would listen that he had hired a private investigator to catch me doing something—anything—wrong. He wanted proof I was a bad mother. He wanted ammunition to use against me in court, in our community, and eventually in the minds of our children.

One of his favorite stories to tell today is laughably false: that the PI allegedly caught me drunk after work, vomiting out of my car before driving home. He says the private investigator called him, asking whether to report me to the police. My abuser claims he told the PI not to—because he “didn’t want me arrested.” He now retells that as if it was some act of mercy.

Here’s what’s strange: just two days after this supposed incident, this same man scratched his own face hard enough to draw blood and called 911—having me arrested for domestic violence. The charges didn’t stick. They couldn’t. Because they weren’t real.

This is a classic tactic used by abusers called DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. They do something harmful, then accuse you of the very thing they’re guilty of.

And as for the private investigator? He didn’t just hire one once. He spent a fortune over time trying to dig up anything that could make me look like a bad parent. But there was never anything to find. Because I wasn’t a bad parent. I was a mom doing everything I could to protect and raise my children in peace and safety.

He failed. Again and again. But still today, he tells his story. And it’s hilarious in its obscurity—a fantasy meant to shift the focus away from his own behavior and paint himself as the victim.

Why Share This Now?

Because this is what coercive control looks like. It’s not just bruises or yelling. It’s calculated character assassination. It’s psychological warfare. It’s trying to rewrite history, often so persuasively that even our children, friends, or the courts might start to question what really happened.

But the truth doesn’t need theatrics.

The truth is I protected my children fiercely. I survived abuse and the smear campaign that followed. I am still standing—and still telling my story, because silence protects abusers. Truth protects Survivors.

If You’re in This Situation…

If your abuser is rewriting your story, trying to turn the system against you, or gaslighting you with false accusations, know this: you are not alone.

At Control Alt Delete, we believe every Survivor deserves to feel safe, heard, and supported. You are not crazy. You are not unstable. You are not what they say you are.

You are a Survivor.

Let’s hear your Survivor Stories. There is strength in sharing what has happened or what is currently happening.