The Challenge of Relaxation for Survivors of Domestic Violence on National Relaxation Day

National Relaxation Day is a time for everyone to take a step back, unwind, and focus on self-care. It’s a day that encourages us to disconnect from our daily stresses, indulge in peaceful activities, and prioritize our mental and physical well-being. However, for Survivors of domestic violence, the concept of relaxation can feel foreign, elusive, and sometimes impossible.

At Control Alt Delete, we understand that relaxation isn’t just about taking a day off or enjoying a quiet moment. For Survivors of domestic violence, relaxation can be a complex and daunting process, often intertwined with feelings of guilt, anxiety, and hypervigilance. The journey to feeling safe enough to truly relax can be long and arduous.

The Struggle to Find Peace

Survivors of domestic violence often live in a state of constant alertness. Even after escaping an abusive environment, the psychological scars can make it difficult to let go and unwind. The trauma they’ve experienced can manifest in various ways, including PTSD, anxiety, and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). These conditions can create barriers to relaxation, as Survivors may feel the need to remain on guard, fearing that letting their guard down could make them vulnerable once again.

The physical and emotional toll of domestic violence doesn’t disappear overnight. It’s common for Survivors to carry the weight of their experiences long after they’ve left the abusive situation. The idea of relaxing, of not being hyper-aware of their surroundings, can feel risky and even dangerous. This heightened state of alertness is a survival mechanism, deeply ingrained after enduring prolonged trauma.

The Word “Relax” Can Be Triggering

For many, the word “relax” might bring to mind calmness and tranquility. But for Survivors of domestic violence, hearing the word “relax” can be anything but soothing. It can be a trigger, recalling memories of abusers who used the word to dismiss, belittle, or control them. Survivors might have heard phrases like “Just relax,” or “Calm down,” used as a way to silence their fears, dismiss their concerns, or invalidate their feelings. As a result, the word itself can evoke feelings of anxiety, powerlessness, and frustration rather than peace.

This response is not uncommon. The language used by abusers often becomes deeply associated with trauma, making it challenging for Survivors to reclaim those words in a positive context. Understanding this helps us recognize why something as seemingly simple as relaxing can be an incredibly complex and triggering experience for Survivors.

Overcoming Barriers to Relaxation

While relaxation can be challenging for Survivors, it’s not impossible. Healing is a journey, and finding ways to relax is a critical part of that process. At Control Alt Delete, we encourage Survivors to take small steps toward reclaiming their peace of mind.

1. Create Safe Spaces: Whether it’s a corner of your home, a park bench, or a quiet room, find a place where you feel secure. Creating a physical space where you can retreat and relax can be the first step toward finding mental peace.
2. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga, can help Survivors reconnect with their bodies and emotions. These practices encourage grounding and can slowly help reduce feelings of anxiety and hypervigilance. (Try to find yoga practitioners that do not use the word “relax” or ask to close your eyes.)
3. Connect with Supportive Communities: Surrounding yourself with a supportive network can provide a sense of safety and belonging. Engaging with others who understand your experiences can help alleviate the isolation that often accompanies trauma.
4. Seek Professional Help: Therapy can be an invaluable tool in helping Survivors navigate the challenges of relaxation. Trauma-informed therapists can offer guidance and strategies to manage anxiety and stress, making it easier to find moments of peace.

A Gentle Reminder

On National Relaxation Day, we remind Survivors that relaxation is a process, not a destination. It’s okay if you’re not able to fully relax right now. Healing takes time, and every small step you take toward reclaiming your peace is a victory. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey.

If you or someone you know is struggling to escape domestic violence, please have their advocate reach out to us. We are dedicated to providing immediate assistance to those in need, ensuring that no one has to face these challenges alone.

Takeaway: Relaxation is a challenge for many survivors of domestic violence, and even the word “relax” can be triggering. With support, safe spaces, and mindful practices, it’s possible to find moments of peace.