Survivors need Support; not shame
Victim-shaming phrases often place blame on the Survivor rather than on the abuser, which can exacerbate feelings of guilt and shame and deter individuals from seeking help. Here are some common victim-shaming phrases and suggestions for what to say instead:
Victim-Shaming Phrases and Alternatives
- Victim-Shaming Phrase: “Why don’t you just leave?”
- Alternative: “Leaving can be really difficult. What kind of support do you need?”
- Victim-Shaming Phrase: “It can’t be that bad if you’re still with them.”
- Alternative: “I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. How can I support you?”
- Victim-Shaming Phrase: “What did you do to provoke them?”
- Alternative: “No one deserves to be treated this way. It’s not your fault.”
- Victim-Shaming Phrase: “You must have seen the signs before you got involved.”
- Alternative: “Abuse can happen to anyone, and it’s often hard to see the signs early on.”
- Victim-Shaming Phrase: “Other people have it worse.”
- Alternative: “Your feelings and experiences are valid. I’m here for you.”
- Victim-Shaming Phrase: “You’re overreacting.”
- Alternative: “Your emotions are completely valid. I’m here to listen and support you.”
- Victim-Shaming Phrase: “If you stay, you must like it.”
- Alternative: “There are many reasons why leaving can be hard. How can I help you feel safe?”
- Victim-Shaming Phrase: “Why didn’t you call the police?”
- Alternative: “There can be many reasons why someone might not call the police. What other ways can I support you?”
Why These Alternatives Are Better
- Empathy and Support: They acknowledge the survivor’s experience and offer support without judgment.
- Understanding Complexity: They recognize the complex dynamics of abusive relationships and the barriers to leaving.
- Removing Blame: They remove blame from the survivor and place responsibility where it belongs—on the abuser.
- Encouraging Openness: They create a safe space for survivors to share their experiences and feelings.
Using supportive and non-judgmental language is crucial in helping Survivors feel validated and empowered to seek help and make decisions that are best for their safety and well-being.
Control Alt Delete removes the barriers that keep people in unsafe and abusive situations by providing one time assistance at the most vulnerable and crucial times as Survivors are actually escaping. We can’t do it without you, our supporters.
