Traveling can be an eye-opening experience in more ways than one. While it’s often a time for relaxation, discovery, and connection, it also offers an unfiltered view into how people treat those closest to them—especially in high-stress or unfamiliar environments. On a recent trip, Control Alt Delete founder Laura Pahules witnessed something far too common and deeply troubling: a man berating his wife for not keeping up with his walking pace. She was carrying their infant, a diaper bag, a backpack, and pulling a suitcase. He walked ahead empty-handed, scrolling on his phone, not once offering help or support.

This wasn’t a couple having a bad day. This was abuse hiding in plain sight. And travel has a way of revealing it.

When people are in public, especially on vacation or in transit, the mask some abusers wear at home can slip. Stress, crowds, and the general inconvenience of travel don’t cause abuse—they expose it.

Here are a few ways to spot the signs of abuse while traveling:

1. The Verbal Belittler

Abusers often speak down to their partners or children in public. They use a sharp tone, issue commands instead of making requests, and blame others for their discomfort. Their frustration isn’t just about a delayed flight or lost reservation—it becomes a performance of control and superiority. You might hear things like:

• “Why can’t you ever do anything right?”

• “You’re slowing me down—again.”

• “Ugh, don’t talk. Just follow me.”

It is also common for abusers to share private information in these public situations. On this most recent trip Laura heard a man talking about how loudly his partner farted and he hoped that didn’t continue on the flight.

2. The Empty-Handed Commander

Like the man Laura observed, abusers often physically demonstrate their disregard. They’ll walk ahead while their partner struggles behind with kids, bags, or other burdens. They rarely offer help and may act annoyed if asked. Their contribution is absent, but their control is constant.

3. The Loud Bragger

Abusers love an audience. You’ll hear them brag loudly about their job, salary, vehicle, or how much better they are than others. This bravado isn’t confidence—it’s manipulation, meant to intimidate their partner and dominate the space.

4. The Public Critic

Some abusers make a point of speaking poorly about others around them. They’ll make loud, demeaning comments about fellow travelers, service workers, or even their own family. This isn’t just casual complaining—it’s often said just loudly enough to be overheard, creating a hostile atmosphere. They want everyone to know they feel superior.

5. The “Joker” Who Isn’t Funny

Cruelty is often disguised as humor. Abusers will joke at their partner’s expense, calling them names or mocking their behavior, all under the guise of “just kidding.” If anyone pushes back, they’ll act like the victim—“Can’t you take a joke?” But the damage is already done.

Why It Matters

These public behaviors are warning signs of private harm. Abuse isn’t always bruises and black eyes. It’s entitlement. It’s control. It’s belittling, burdening, and blaming the person who should be your partner. And while travel might bring these behaviors into the light, rest assured: they don’t end when the vacation does.

What You Can Do

If you witness abuse while traveling:

• Trust your gut. If it feels wrong, it probably is.

• Offer discreet support if safe to do so: a kind word, a knowing glance, or even a note passed when appropriate can be powerful.

• Don’t excuse the behavior. Stress doesn’t justify cruelty.

• When safe and appropriate, report aggressive or threatening behavior to authorities or airline/hotel staff.

Control Alt Delete exists because Survivors often feel alone, invisible, and unsupported. But we see them—even in the chaos of a busy airport terminal. Abuse doesn’t take a vacation. And neither does our mission.