TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains graphic details of domestic violence, including gun violence, which may be disturbing for some readers. Please read with caution.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Sharing Vanessa’s Survivor Story

In October, we bring attention to Domestic Violence Awareness Month by sharing Survivor Stories. Each story is unique in its details, but the patterns of abuse often follow a tragically familiar path. For many, the journey toward understanding their own victimhood begins long after the abuse starts. Sharing these stories is an act of healing—a way to remove the shame Survivors often carry and to remind them that they are not alone.

Vanessa’s story is one of unimaginable pain, but it is also one of resilience, survival, and hope. Today, we are honored to share her words:

“I was with my ex for 10 years and I didn’t realize I was a victim for many years together until after he shot me, and I learned more about abuse. He kept me pregnant and controlled my body for over half of our time together. Five c-sections in six years—my body never had time to heal. When I decided to get a tubal ligation, that’s when things turned for the worst.

He flipped out in the hospital after he found out I went through with it, and that’s when I knew something was definitely not right. I was able to get away in 2020. It was the first time he shot at me. He received 8 months, and 3 months after his release, it was September 11, 2021—my daughter’s second birthday party. A day of celebration, and the day my life was changed forever.

He was waiting for me, watching as I returned home with her cake. His last words to me were, ‘If I can’t have you, no one can,’ before he put a 9mm bullet through my head, just centimeters below my right temporal lobe. He called 911, gave me a towel, and said, ‘I just grazed you. I’m sorry.’

I began to feel weak and tired—I was dying. I started to pray. A fog surrounded me, and my late grandfather appeared, a bright and shining angel. He put his hand on my head and said, ‘You’re going to be okay, mija.’ That gave me the strength I needed to get up off the floor, walk downstairs, and make it outside to the officers. My children followed me, and my four-year-old son told the officers, ‘Daddy shot Mama.’ Sadly, my baby had seen it all.

I flatlined in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. They saved my life, performed brain surgery, and partially removed my damaged skull. When my son saw me after the shooting, his first words were, ‘Mama, you’re okay. Daddy didn’t kill you because you’re a Power Ranger.’

It’s a 5% chance to survive a bullet to the head, and I’m alive today to help others survive.”

Vanessa’s story is one of many, and yet it highlights the courage it takes to leave, to survive, and to rebuild. Every Survivor Story has different details, but the thread of abuse weaves through them all in similar ways—whether it’s control, violence, or isolation. Sharing these stories removes the shame that abusers attempt to place on the Survivors. The shame belongs to the abusers, never to the Survivors.

By sharing these stories, we honor the strength it takes to survive, and we help others understand that they are not alone. Vanessa’s survival is not just her own victory—it is a beacon of hope for others still fighting to escape.

If you or someone you know is in a domestic violence situation, please have your advocate reach out. Help is available. You are not alone. 💜