For parents living in an abusive relationship, every day is a balancing act — trying to protect your child, keep the peace, and survive. You may know what’s happening isn’t healthy, but you’re not in a place to leave yet. Maybe it isn’t safe. Maybe the resources aren’t there. Maybe every escape route you’ve tried has been blocked.

And yet — you still want better for your child. You want them to grow up knowing that what they see in your home isn’t love. You want to break the cycle, even if you can’t break free right now.

That conversation is hard. But it’s possible. And it matters.

Start With Quiet Truth

You don’t have to name everything out loud to make an impact — especially if it isn’t safe to do so. Instead, you can plant small seeds of truth.

You might say:

“Sometimes people treat each other in ways that aren’t kind or fair. What’s happening here isn’t how love should look.”

Or:

“When someone yells, controls, or hurts another person, that isn’t love — it’s wrong, even if it’s happening in our house.”

You don’t have to explain every detail. What matters is that your child hears — from you — that the behavior they’re witnessing is not normal or acceptable. You are quietly teaching them that love should never include fear.

Model Respect in the Smallest Ways

Even in an abusive household, there are moments where you can show your child what kindness and respect look like. Those small examples can make a big difference.

• When you apologize, mean it — and explain why it matters.

• When your child expresses feelings, listen without judgment.

• Show empathy, even when you’re hurting.

• Let them see you calm a situation instead of escalating it.

These are the everyday acts that teach your child: “I can choose to treat people differently. I can be gentle, even when I’ve seen cruelty.”

Explain What Healthy Love Should Feel Like

Your child might not know what “healthy” looks like — but they can understand how it should feel.

You can say:

“In a healthy relationship, you don’t have to be scared. You can speak your mind and still feel safe. You’re allowed to have friends, to laugh, to be yourself.”

Talk about feelings instead of examples if that’s safer. Say things like:

• “Love feels peaceful.”

• “You don’t have to earn love by being perfect.”

• “People who love you don’t hurt you or make you feel afraid.”

These truths give your child a mental contrast — a way to recognize when something doesn’t feel right in their own future relationships.

Talk About Boundaries and Red Flags

Even if your own boundaries are being violated, you can still teach your child that theirs matter.

“Everyone deserves to feel safe. If someone ever makes you feel small, scared, or trapped — that’s not okay, and you can always come to me.”

You’re showing them that their voice has value, even if yours is being silenced right now.

You can also quietly point out red flags when you see them in media or at school — not necessarily linking them to home.

“That person’s partner checks their phone and gets angry if they talk to friends — that’s not healthy.”

This helps your child build awareness in a way that’s emotionally safe for both of you.

Acknowledge Why You’re Still There — Without Shame

If your child asks why you haven’t left, honesty helps — but safety comes first.
If you can, say something like:

“I know what’s happening isn’t right. I’m working on keeping us safe. Leaving isn’t simple, but that doesn’t mean I think this is okay.”

This tells your child two essential things:

1. You see the abuse for what it is.

2. You don’t want this life for them.

Even if you can’t leave right now, you’re showing them that survival is not the same as acceptance.

When It’s Safe, Reach Out

If you’re still in the home, leaving suddenly may not be possible — but connecting quietly to help is.
Control Alt Delete receives referrals from law enforcement, prosecutors, and victim advocates across Arizona and beyond. We help Survivors escape safely, whether that means leaving an abusive home, getting out of the state, or finding resources for the day you’re ready.

You’re not alone — and neither are your children.
The cycle can end, even if you’re still in the middle of it right now.

Because every time you show compassion, speak truth, or tell your child, “This isn’t love,” you are already building a bridge to freedom.