Domestic violence does not always end when an abuser is arrested. Sometimes, that is when a Survivor finally has the opportunity to begin reclaiming a life that was slowly taken from them.

Recently, a law enforcement advocate reached out to Control Alt Delete about a Survivor who needed help.

Her abuser had been arrested after an incident that left her injured. He had swept his arm across a counter, sending items flying. A piece of glass struck her, causing an injury that required stitches.

But the trip to the hospital revealed something no one expected.

She was very, very ill.

Not long afterward, she was told she likely had only three to six weeks left.

Three to six weeks.

After more than 40 years of marriage.

After more than 40 years of being isolated from the people she loved.

After more than 40 years of having her world become smaller and smaller.

And suddenly, there was something she wanted more than anything:

A way to call home.

She Wanted to Find the People She Had Lost

The Survivor asked the advocate if there was any way she could get a cell phone and minutes.

She wanted to contact the family and friends she had lost touch with over the decades.

People she hadn’t necessarily been forbidden from seeing.

Instead, her abuser had made those relationships so uncomfortable that, eventually, it became easier not to see them.

That is one of the devastating realities of coercive control and domestic violence.

Isolation doesn’t always look like a locked door.

Sometimes it looks like constant criticism.

An argument every time you make plans.

Anger when you spend money.

Making you feel guilty for seeing someone.

Creating enough conflict around your family and friends that you eventually stop reaching out.

Little by little, your world becomes smaller.

And after 40 years, you may realize you don’t know how to find your way back to the people you once loved.

This Was Outside Our Scope. But It Was Within Laura’s Heart.

In this case, she had already escaped the abuser and Control Alt Delete can not assist.

Our mission is focused on removing the immediate, practical barriers that keep Survivors trapped in active domestic violence. We provide one-time assistance to help Survivors escape.

This request was different.

But Control Alt Delete founder Laura  knew there was something she could do personally.

So Laura purchased a prepaid cell phone and minutes for the Survivor herself.

During an already incredibly busy week, Laura delivered the phone.

But she didn’t stop there.

The Survivor had mentioned a few simple things she would love to have.

So Laura brought those too:

• Unscented lip balm
• Unscented lotion
• A soft blanket
• Warm socks

None of these things were extravagant.

They didn’t need to be.

They were simply things that could bring a little comfort.

A little warmth.

A little reminder that someone cared.

Then Laura Saw the Wall

While visiting the Survivor, Laura noticed a hole in the wall.

It was on the wall directly across from the Survivor’s comfortable chair—the chair where she could sit and look out the window and watch nature.

Laura asked her if she wanted it fixed.

She said yes.

So Laura patched the hole.

As she worked, she noticed something else.

There were many patches in the drywall.

A wall can tell a story without saying a word.

Laura went to get supplies to repair the damage.

That’s when she noticed a can of paint in the garage.

It was a beautiful, soft shade of pale green.

Laura asked about it.

The Survivor explained that she had purchased the paint a while ago because she wanted to paint the wall around the front window.

But her husband had become furious.

He was angry that she had spent money on paint.

Angry that she hadn’t asked him what color he wanted.

And he told her she was too inept to paint the wall herself.

So the paint went into the garage.

And stayed there.

For Laura, that wasn’t just a can of paint.

It was another example of how domestic violence can strip away a person’s ability to make even the smallest decisions about their own life.

So Laura opened the can.

And painted the wall.

While the Wall Turned Green, She Told Her Story

As Laura painted, the Survivor talked.

She talked about her children.

They were angry with her.

They had demanded that she drop the charges against their father.

And in their anger, they repeated the very words she had heard throughout decades of abuse.

“You always do this!”

“You’re too sensitive!”

“What did you do now?”

“What’s wrong with you!?”

Those words can become deeply ingrained after years of hearing them.

They can become part of the way a Survivor begins to see herself.

The Survivor hadn’t told her children that she had been told she might only have a few weeks left.

Why?

“They won’t believe me anyway,” she said.

Think about that for a moment.

After over 40 years of being told she was too sensitive, that she was the problem, that she was doing something wrong, she had reached a point where she didn’t believe her own children would believe her about something as profound as her own mortality.

That is the impact of long-term emotional abuse and coercive control.

Isolation Can Last for Decades

Domestic violence isn’t always bruises.

It isn’t always a broken bone.

It isn’t always a police report.

Sometimes it is a lifetime of being made to question yourself.

Sometimes it is being discouraged from seeing friends.

Sometimes it is being made to feel guilty for spending money.

Sometimes it is being told you’re incapable.

Sometimes it is having every decision criticized until you stop making decisions for yourself.

And sometimes it is waking up after four decades and realizing how many people you’ve lost along the way.

This Survivor’s story is a powerful reminder that domestic violence can affect people of every age, including older adults who have spent decades in abusive relationships.

It is never too late to recognize abuse.

It is never too late to seek safety.

And it is never too late to deserve peace.

For the Time She Has Left, She Will Have Peace

We don’t know what the future holds for this Survivor.

We don’t know how many phone calls she will get to make.

We don’t know how many old friends will answer.

We don’t know how many family members she will reconnect with.

But we know this:

For however long she has left in this world, she will live in peace.

She will have a phone to make those calls.

She will have a soft blanket.

She will have warm socks.

She will have lip balm and lotion.

She will have a beautiful pale green wall around the window she loves.

And she will have a repaired wall in front of the chair where she sits and watches nature.

Most importantly, she will have something she has been denied for far too long:

The freedom to make her own choices without someone becoming angry with her.

Sometimes helping someone escape domestic violence means providing transportation.

Sometimes it means fuel.

Sometimes it means a hotel room, a bus ticket, a door lock, or security camera.

And sometimes, unexpectedly, it means buying a cell phone so a Survivor can make the calls she never thought she would get another chance to make.

Sometimes it means painting a wall.

Sometimes it means sitting beside someone and listening.

Sometimes it means reminding a Survivor:

You are not too sensitive.

You are not the problem.

You are not inept.

You deserve to live in peace.

The Power of One Act of Kindness

At Control Alt Delete, we believe in removing the barriers that keep Survivors trapped in domestic violence.

We also believe in seeing the person behind the referral.

This Survivor didn’t need someone to tell her what she should have done differently over the last 40 years.

She didn’t need judgment.

She didn’t need criticism.

She needed someone to help her move forward.

And perhaps most importantly, she needed someone to believe her.

Her story is a reminder that domestic violence recovery is not about judging a Survivor for how long they stayed.

It is about helping them with the next step.

Whether that step is getting to safety, making a phone call, reconnecting with someone they love, sitting in a comfortable chair, or simply looking out a freshly painted window at the world outside.

There is no expiration date on freedom.

There is no expiration date on peace.

And it is never too late to escape domestic violence.

For this Survivor, the rest of her story will be hers to write.

And after more than 40 years of someone else trying to control the story…

she deserves every peaceful page.

If You Know a Survivor Who Needs Help

Control Alt Delete provides one-time, practical assistance to help Survivors escape active domestic violence and remove barriers that may prevent them from reaching safety.

Our assistance is referral-based. We work with law enforcement, advocates, domestic violence agencies, Family Advocacy Centers, prosecutors’ offices, social workers, and other professionals who can help identify Survivors in immediate need.

Because sometimes the barrier keeping someone trapped is something as simple—and as significant—as having enough fuel to leave, transportation to safety, a secure place to sleep, or the resources needed to take that first step.

When the referral comes in, we help remove the barrier.

Because every Survivor deserves the opportunity to escape.

Every Survivor deserves safety.

Every Survivor deserves peace.